Not So Very Lovely Stuff #2

Okay, so I do write a beauty blog, but occasionally I want to write about something that's a bit more important than choosing the right foundation shade. (Though the right foundation is still important!) For want of a better phrase, I'm going to call it rape culture. You know, the thought that if you act a certain way, it's okay for you to be raped. Seeing it written there in black & white, it sounds absurd, right? But it is actually a thing. Last week, I tweeted this picture.

Just have a look. Let it sink in. 54% of guys & 42% of girls (minimum, it could have been different people answering yes to every question) think that there is a time when it's perfectly okay to be subjected to rape & not say anything. Am I the only one thinking that's crazy?

But, it really saddens me to say this, it honestly does not shock me. Recently, an Irish website posted a picture of 3 girls on a night out, in which one was effectively wearing knickers as pants, accompanied by the question "Would you let girls dressed like this into a nightclub?" The post had to be deleted because of comments such as these -

Both from women. 

Let's get one thing straight - NO WOMAN WANTS TO BE RAPED. If she wants sex, it's consensual. If she doesn't, it's rape. Which is a crime, just in case you thought it was justified because you're in a relationship or you've slept together before. Quite frankly, I don't care if you've just booked the penthouse in the Shelbourne - If I don't want you in my pants, you're not getting in them. Understand?

But people can be incredibly insensitive. I recently complained to a male friend about another guy calling me a slut. His reply? "Well, you do kind of invite it by talking about sex." Well, this isn't the 18th century. I will talk about what I like, and that does not mean people can call me degrading names. Next up, I'll get "Well, you did invite him to rape you by having sex with other people." No, I didn't. He did not get the invite to my bed, and if he shows up uninvited, he is not getting in. 

I think education is a big thing here. Unfortunately, there will always be scumbags who force a girl into sex. But there should never, ever be a woman who doesn't think she can say no, or who's afraid to report it because 'I was drunk', 'We'd already stripped off & I didn't think I could say no' or 'I was afraid people would call me a slut'. That is the thing that upsets me. 42% of girls thought that a guy getting excited meant they had to have sex? Seeing as the above picture is a high school survey, let's clarify - Teenage boys are like puppies. They get excited at the slightest attention, but that does not mean you have to play with them.

TCD this year ran the "Don't Be That Guy" campaign. Which WAS a good campaign. But I still think girls need to know - You can say no. It's like contraception - If you want sex, don't rely on the guy to have it. If you don't want sex, don't rely on him to know that. Tell him. (There is also the issue of a guy genuinely not realising that the girl wasn't into it, then beig accused of rape. I won't delve into that here.) I refuse to believe that anyone in this day & age has not seen Mean Girls, so let's recap - "You have all got to stop calling each other sluts & whores! It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts & whores." Similarly, don't ever think someone should be raped. Because it is never okay.

To sum up:

No, it is not okay to force someone into having sex with you.

Yes, you can stop him, at any stage.

This turned into a bit of a rant & probably isn't very comprehensible, but it's something that has been in my mind since a guy forced his hand up my skirt one night when I was out. He was shocked when I pushed him away & repeatedly said "NO, get away from me." Honestly, I hate thinking "If I had been drunk, or didn't say no, he could have done anything." 

Please do engage with me about this post, & share your opinions.

Chloe x

Not So Lovely Stuff.

Every once in a while, a few things come around that really, really infuriate me. And today, that thing was the "My daddy works for KMPG" video. I won't share the video here, because I don't want to spread it further but I'm sure a lot of people have already seen it. For those of you who haven't, it's a video of a drunk girl, informing people that they are 'plebs' and 'povs', whereas her dad is the highest earning partner in KPMG.

It caused quite the reaction on social media; Simply post a tweet that includes 'KPMG' & you'll get a few instant favourites, retweets or replies. There are people slagging her, people defending her & the few idiots that turn up to offer forward death threats. Quite frankly, I'm not here to deal with the reactions to the video or the abuse that girl received. I just want to address her comments.

Without trying to be too stereotypical, this girl can be seen as a D4 - With a sense of entitlement. I went on a bit of a Twitter rant , because I've come across people like this, all too regularly. They're the ones whose parents pay for everything, the ones who presumed they'd always go to college 'just because' and never worried about how to pay for it. They're the ones who looked down on me for growing up in a mobile home,  or for picking strawberries while applying for other jobs. They're the kind of people who made me doubt my college choices in the first place.

Since fourth year, I knew what I wanted to do - I wanted Law & German, in Trinity. BUT I was afraid. Afraid that it would be full of snobs. I'm delighted to say that, for the most part, I was wrong. I've met some of the most down to earth people here (even the ones whose parents fork out or college for them aren't all bad!) but simultaneously, there are a few arrogant idiots.

Last year, I was having a few more doubts, once I got to college. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to afford the next accommodation payment, or that paying back my student loan would become more of a struggle. Listening to people wither on about who had and hadn't gone to private school, and how they demanded a Mac for college, and I felt considerably out of my depth.

But you know something? Screw them. I'm proud of where I come from - I might have grown up in a bedroom under 3 feet square, but I would never look down on my parents for bringing me up there while saving for a house. I might have to work every weekend & holiday, and give up on nights out to babysit, but I love my job and I appreciate my degree because I'm paying for it. And I might have to rely on help financially, in the form of charity & a grant - But I am working hard, so I can afford to get a job I want & repay all the help I receive.

I won't lie - I am doing my degree with the hope that one day, I will have a well-paid job & be financially secure. But I will never, ever forget where I come from and I truly appreciate that my parents brought me up,  not with money, but with class. Because there are some things that money really cannot buy.