Not So Very Lovely Stuff #2

Okay, so I do write a beauty blog, but occasionally I want to write about something that's a bit more important than choosing the right foundation shade. (Though the right foundation is still important!) For want of a better phrase, I'm going to call it rape culture. You know, the thought that if you act a certain way, it's okay for you to be raped. Seeing it written there in black & white, it sounds absurd, right? But it is actually a thing. Last week, I tweeted this picture.

Just have a look. Let it sink in. 54% of guys & 42% of girls (minimum, it could have been different people answering yes to every question) think that there is a time when it's perfectly okay to be subjected to rape & not say anything. Am I the only one thinking that's crazy?

But, it really saddens me to say this, it honestly does not shock me. Recently, an Irish website posted a picture of 3 girls on a night out, in which one was effectively wearing knickers as pants, accompanied by the question "Would you let girls dressed like this into a nightclub?" The post had to be deleted because of comments such as these -

Both from women. 

Let's get one thing straight - NO WOMAN WANTS TO BE RAPED. If she wants sex, it's consensual. If she doesn't, it's rape. Which is a crime, just in case you thought it was justified because you're in a relationship or you've slept together before. Quite frankly, I don't care if you've just booked the penthouse in the Shelbourne - If I don't want you in my pants, you're not getting in them. Understand?

But people can be incredibly insensitive. I recently complained to a male friend about another guy calling me a slut. His reply? "Well, you do kind of invite it by talking about sex." Well, this isn't the 18th century. I will talk about what I like, and that does not mean people can call me degrading names. Next up, I'll get "Well, you did invite him to rape you by having sex with other people." No, I didn't. He did not get the invite to my bed, and if he shows up uninvited, he is not getting in. 

I think education is a big thing here. Unfortunately, there will always be scumbags who force a girl into sex. But there should never, ever be a woman who doesn't think she can say no, or who's afraid to report it because 'I was drunk', 'We'd already stripped off & I didn't think I could say no' or 'I was afraid people would call me a slut'. That is the thing that upsets me. 42% of girls thought that a guy getting excited meant they had to have sex? Seeing as the above picture is a high school survey, let's clarify - Teenage boys are like puppies. They get excited at the slightest attention, but that does not mean you have to play with them.

TCD this year ran the "Don't Be That Guy" campaign. Which WAS a good campaign. But I still think girls need to know - You can say no. It's like contraception - If you want sex, don't rely on the guy to have it. If you don't want sex, don't rely on him to know that. Tell him. (There is also the issue of a guy genuinely not realising that the girl wasn't into it, then beig accused of rape. I won't delve into that here.) I refuse to believe that anyone in this day & age has not seen Mean Girls, so let's recap - "You have all got to stop calling each other sluts & whores! It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts & whores." Similarly, don't ever think someone should be raped. Because it is never okay.

To sum up:

No, it is not okay to force someone into having sex with you.

Yes, you can stop him, at any stage.

This turned into a bit of a rant & probably isn't very comprehensible, but it's something that has been in my mind since a guy forced his hand up my skirt one night when I was out. He was shocked when I pushed him away & repeatedly said "NO, get away from me." Honestly, I hate thinking "If I had been drunk, or didn't say no, he could have done anything." 

Please do engage with me about this post, & share your opinions.

Chloe x