4/07/2013

Not So Very Lovely Stuff #2

Okay, so I do write a beauty blog, but occasionally I want to write about something that's a bit more important than choosing the right foundation shade. (Though the right foundation is still important!) For want of a better phrase, I'm going to call it rape culture. You know, the thought that if you act a certain way, it's okay for you to be raped. Seeing it written there in black & white, it sounds absurd, right? But it is actually a thing. Last week, I tweeted this picture.


Just have a look. Let it sink in. 54% of guys & 42% of girls (minimum, it could have been different people answering yes to every question) think that there is a time when it's perfectly okay to be subjected to rape & not say anything. Am I the only one thinking that's crazy?

But, it really saddens me to say this, it honestly does not shock me. Recently, an Irish website posted a picture of 3 girls on a night out, in which one was effectively wearing knickers as pants, accompanied by the question "Would you let girls dressed like this into a nightclub?" The post had to be deleted because of comments such as these -


Both from women. 

Let's get one thing straight - NO WOMAN WANTS TO BE RAPED. If she wants sex, it's consensual. If she doesn't, it's rape. Which is a crime, just in case you thought it was justified because you're in a relationship or you've slept together before. Quite frankly, I don't care if you've just booked the penthouse in the Shelbourne - If I don't want you in my pants, you're not getting in them. Understand?

But people can be incredibly insensitive. I recently complained to a male friend about another guy calling me a slut. His reply? "Well, you do kind of invite it by talking about sex." Well, this isn't the 18th century. I will talk about what I like, and that does not mean people can call me degrading names. Next up, I'll get "Well, you did invite him to rape you by having sex with other people." No, I didn't. He did not get the invite to my bed, and if he shows up uninvited, he is not getting in. 

I think education is a big thing here. Unfortunately, there will always be scumbags who force a girl into sex. But there should never, ever be a woman who doesn't think she can say no, or who's afraid to report it because 'I was drunk', 'We'd already stripped off & I didn't think I could say no' or 'I was afraid people would call me a slut'. That is the thing that upsets me. 42% of girls thought that a guy getting excited meant they had to have sex? Seeing as the above picture is a high school survey, let's clarify - Teenage boys are like puppies. They get excited at the slightest attention, but that does not mean you have to play with them.



TCD this year ran the "Don't Be That Guy" campaign. Which WAS a good campaign. But I still think girls need to know - You can say no. It's like contraception - If you want sex, don't rely on the guy to have it. If you don't want sex, don't rely on him to know that. Tell him. (There is also the issue of a guy genuinely not realising that the girl wasn't into it, then beig accused of rape. I won't delve into that here.) I refuse to believe that anyone in this day & age has not seen Mean Girls, so let's recap - "You have all got to stop calling each other sluts & whores! It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts & whores." Similarly, don't ever think someone should be raped. Because it is never okay.

To sum up:
No, it is not okay to force someone into having sex with you.
Yes, you can stop him, at any stage.

This turned into a bit of a rant & probably isn't very comprehensible, but it's something that has been in my mind since a guy forced his hand up my skirt one night when I was out. He was shocked when I pushed him away & repeatedly said "NO, get away from me." Honestly, I hate thinking "If I had been drunk, or didn't say no, he could have done anything." 

Please do engage with me about this post, & share your opinions.

Chloe x

19 comments:

  1. Great post! I am so shocked by the high percentages of both sexes in that high school survey!!! It is so scary!! Very informative post! good read and luckyily you said no to that guy you mentioned at the end! that picture about her not saying no isnt her saying yes is very good too! I think if someone is drunk it is even more a reson for the guy to stop it himself not make her do it because she isnt saying no!
    xxx

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    1. Thank you! It's really scary to think of people who believe rape is okay. The picture is from the "Don't be that guy" campaign xxx

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  2. I can not believe that in this day and age people are still so f'in ignorant, those numbers absolutely disgust me... If you say no it f'in means no, and that goes for both sexes... I dont care if you buy me a private jet, an island, if your bursting through your jeans with excitement, if i say no i mean it...
    ahhhhhhhh it really infuriates me... great post chloe.... x

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    1. I know, it's ridiculous! I did a Rape Crisis course in school, so I suppose I presumed that more people knew what rape is & to say no.. Thanks Có x

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  3. Completely agree with you on every point!! I think it's so important to include posts about things that really matter in life with all the beauty things etc too because that way someone who may not be exposed to these thoughts may discover them while looking for a mascara review and things. Really sorry for that guy in the nightclub, some guys (and I'm sure girls too) are really disgusting; dunno what they think gives them the right to act like that!

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    1. Thanks Sarah! That's completely true, girls can be just as bad as guys. A lot of it is alcohol related, but I think that if someone acts a certain way when drunk, it's very likely that they could be that way when sober!

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  4. Chloe, I'm so pleased you wrote this post- you've summed up exactly how i feel about this issue. I saw that tweet during the week and while part of me always balks when I see stuff like that another part of me is so jaded by rape culture that I'm not even surprised anymore that there still people who think like that. it makes me sick to my stomach every time and the amount of people that think it's perfectly acceptable (especially other women) is shocking. I think it's really important for people to challenge those notions with blog posts like this, thanks so much for sharing.xx

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    1. That's what I do hate - Sometimes I completely look past stuff like this because it's becoming so widespread! And then it's reaffirmed that that still doesn't make it okay. There needs to be more said about casual rape references.
      Thank you xx

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  5. This was really interesting! It is surprising what people think is okay when it seriously isn't, especially when it comes to thinks like rape and domestic abuse.

    I'm a new follower of yours!

    Millie x

    hidbeauty.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you! It is strange that people think rape is acceptable in ertain situations & very sad x

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    2. Yes it is! Especially when the people who were questioned were only teenagers, it makes you wonder if they are being up seriously wrong if they think rape is alright under certain circumstances.

      Thank you for following me by the way! :)

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  6. Fabulous post, agree with everything you say. Well done for writing frankly about a topic which is often made 'taboo' but shouldn't be. X

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    1. Thanks Siobhan, it does need to be spoken about! x

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  7. Perfect post, Im so so sick over them statitics. Rape is never OK and never can it be excused! x

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    1. Thank you, they are so awful! & clearly even the girls who know that it's wrong may not be taken seriously when they report it x

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  8. Really good post hun! Definitely a topic that needs to be spoken about, and I'm sorry those statistics are absolutely ridiculous!! XX

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    1. Thanks! Everyone just presumes that people know rape is bad when it's clearly not the case so it needs to be brought up! xx

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